Happy Thursday, everybody! Folks have been asking for an update on my last post, regarding my mental health issues, and I’m at the point where I feel like I can give a positive progress report (and it is, thankfully, positive.) Also, given some of the feedback I got, I know some folks are thinking about getting help and you might be worried/curious about the process.
For me, it began with choosing a health-care provider. Like most writers, my insurance is utterly terrible (it’s basically for catastrophic coverage only) so that wasn’t much help, but I started by identifying my in-network doctors. From there I trawled for reviews; just like anything else, hearing from clients of potential doctors was a great way to identify the candidates with strong skills (and the ones best avoided.) Once I made my choice, I was provided with intake forms to complete prior to my first appointment.
If you’ve ever filled out healthcare history forms for a new physician, it’s just like that, but considerably more in-depth about your background, your family history and relations, and your current symptoms. It can feel invasive, but for an important purpose: figuring out exactly the best way to get at the underlying cause of your symptoms and come up with a real, effective plan of treatment. The important thing to remember is that folks in mental health are not, as a general rule, in the business of judgment; they want to help you get better, and there is nothing you can reveal about yourself that they haven’t seen before.
All the same, I was pretty darn nervous on the morning of my appointment. (Which was, by the way, conducted via webcam; given the ongoing pandemic, many doctors’ offices have switched to online consultations, so there’s no need to visit the office or leave your home in order to get help.) Turns out I didn’t need to be nervous at all. My doctor was empathetic, knowledgeable, and we discussed potential courses of treatment together.
I need to underline that: together. A good healthcare professional will keep you in the loop and in the discussion, because nothing in mental health is one-size-fits-all. And nothing is guaranteed to work from square one. We ultimately decided on a modest regimen of medication – a small dose, to test the waters and avoid over-medicating, which I’ll try for three months in order to give my body chemistry time to acclimate, then we’ll re-assess (with regular check-ins along the way) and either stay the course or try something different from there.
Side effects can be wild, y’all. You have to be prepared for that, because there’s a big grab-bag of potential side effects and there’s absolutely no way to know what you’re going to get (if anything). The good news is that unless you have a seriously adverse reaction (in which case you should reach out to your doctor immediately), they tend to fade over time. My first night on the new meds, I had some bad nausea; by afternoon of the second day, that had faded entirely.
What remained, hilariously considering one of my biggest symptoms was anxiety-induced sleeplessness…was insomnia. Though that was oddly useful in terms of seeing the positive effects of the meds: there’s a stark difference between “can’t sleep because I can’t stop worrying” and “can’t sleep, but I’m relaxed and dealing with it.” One’s scary, one’s mildly annoying. And that too, is fading. I was still tossing and turning last night but – now on my sixth day of medication – I got eight hours of cumulative sleep and that is NOT a thing I can normally say.
The important thing is, I’m writing again. Yesterday I patched up the act-three outline for the new Faust novel and smashed the story blockage that had been walling me in for a month.
Is life perfect? Heck, no. I’ve still got stuff to work on, health-wise, and even if that wasn’t the case, the world isn’t exactly sunshine and roses right now. The purpose of these meds is not to make me happy, and that’s something I can’t stress strongly enough because I think people often misunderstand that point. The purpose is to shore up the chemicals that my brain should but doesn’t make on its own, and allow me to process and deal with the world without tripping over my own feet. It’s about being able to see clearly. “Happy” is a philosophical pursuit, and a totally different deal. I’m actually fairly melancholy today, about some unrelated life stuff I’m not going to get into here – but it’s a genuine, true melancholy, one I can grapple with and process in a healthy way, and one that isn’t pulling me down into paralysis or a spiral of depression. And that makes all the difference in the world.
So, about writing! We’re less than one week to the release of The Insider, so that’s a very cool thing. Also, for some time I’ve been contemplating launching a Patreon; now that I’m dealing with added medical bills for appointments and meds that my insurance won’t cover, let’s just say I’m more motivated than ever. I’ve spent some time planning, working out ideas, figuring out what I can effectively offer to subscribers.
A lot of writers offer short stories on their Patreons, but short fiction just isn’t my forte. So what I’m planning at the moment is a serialized novel; maybe two chapters a week, something unique and new, straight from my keyboard to your brain. You’ll basically be right there with me from the first line to the final draft of a new novel, and through the process beyond as it makes its way to print. I’m also contemplating a monthly Q&A video where I answer subscribers’ questions.
I do have to be careful about Patreon benefits; I already tend to work seven days a week, and I don’t want to go overboard on benefits or my regular-writing-time could suffer. That said, if there’s something you’d really like to see from a subscription, definitely let me know.
So, yeah. That’s the update. And The Insider is out next Tuesday! See you then.