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Snake Oil Bullet: Out Now!

Happy Tuesday, everybody! I’m delighted to announce that Snake Oil Bullet, the eighth Harmony Black adventure, is available now. It’s currently out as an ebook in North America and Europe, and print versions will be available as soon as they finish final quality checks (realistically, tomorrow afternoon.) Also, I’m making up for lost time on audio adaptations: Susannah Jones will be recording the audio versions of Never Send Roses and Snake Oil Bullet back to back in a couple of months.

What’s it about? Here’s the quickie back-cover blurb:

It should have been a routine mission: stop the sale of a bio-organic weapon, round up the bad guys, and fly home before breakfast. Harmony Black and Jessie Temple are field agents for Vigilant Lock, a covert agency that defends humanity against supernatural threats; espionage, monsters, and mayhem are all in a day’s work. What they find this time, though, is a puzzle demanding an answer.

An old nemesis of the team has been murdered, and they didn’t pull the trigger.

Unsure if they’re dealing with a friend or a foe, the investigation leads Harmony and Jessie into a world of big money and bigger lies. The trail of clues leads from a shady tech startup in Silicon Valley to a “wellness retreat” for millionaires in the Catskill Mountains, a whirlwind tour through the lifestyles of the rich, famous, and dead.

As the ghosts of the team’s past come back to haunt them, a new enemy is rising in the shadows. An enemy who knows exactly who Harmony and Jessie are, what they’re capable of, and how to take them down. This mystery is a trap woven from lies and illusions, and it’s about to spring shut.

We’re bringing back and resolving some long-dangling plot threads in this one, saying goodbye to a few old foes and hello to some new and entirely more dangerous ones. Change is in the air and it’s all building to…well. That’d be a spoiler.

I hope you enjoy it! Have an amazing week, and stay safe.

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Dig Two Graves: Now on Audio!

Good morning, friends! Pleased to announce that Dig Two Graves, the latest Daniel Faust adventure, is now available as an audiobook! It’s narrated as always by the awesome Adam Verner, and I hope you enjoy it!

In other news, the next Harmony Black novel, Snake Oil Bullet, is undergoing editing. This is going to be a heck of a ride, resolving long-dangling plot threads and bringing some old familiar faces back from Harmony and Jessie’s earliest missions together. The mysterious murder of an old foe lures the team on a coast to coast misison, from a shady AI tech company in Silicon Valley to a secluded “wellness retreat” for billionaires in the Catskills, as Harmony and Jessie collide with the lifestyles of the dead and famous.

In the audiobook department, I’m sorry for the delay in getting these out. If you missed my previous post on the subject, I recently went through a really expensive interstate move and it took me a while to line up financing for production. But now that we’re caught up on Faust, Harmony is next — I’ve spoken with Susannah Jones and she’s going to be recording the audio for Never Send Roses and Snake Oil Bullet back to back! They should both be out by the end of the year.

And with that, I should be getting back to writing. I hope you have a fantastic week, and stay safe!

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Daniel Faust is Back in Germany

Hey, friends! Pleased to report that Sophias Geister, the German-language translation of Redemption Song (the second Daniel Faust novel) is out today! And I still really, really need to carve out some Duolingo time so i can make these announcements in the proper language. I hope you enjoy it!

(And because I have been asked: why did they change the title? I have absolutely no idea. It’s just one of those publishing things.)

Will there be more translations? That one I can answer. If people buy it, yes. If not, no.

I have an audiobook update, also! I’ve lined up financing and Adam Verner is currently prepping to record the audio version of Dig Two Graves, so expect that in a couple of months. Then we’ll be moving forward with the audio version of Never Send Roses. Yes, they’re coming out of order, since Never Send Roses came out first, but there’s a good reason. Can I brag about my friend a little bit, because I’m super-proud of her? Susannah has completed an absolutely gruelling few years of study and hands-on training to enter a new field where she’s helping people and doing a ton of good out there (not sure how much more I can say just yet) and right now she’s taking a very well-deserved vacation after all that hard work. So both audiobooks are coming, we just had to flip the order to make everybody’s schedules line up.

I’m deep in the trenches working on the next Harmony Black adventure. The long-delayed hunt for Bobby Diehl (which reaches a very definitive conclusion here) is leading Harmony and Jessie into a world of Silicon Valley hype, AI bullshit, and a murder mystery that may have ties to certain grey-hued gentlemen from their last mission…

Okay, time for me to get back to work. Oh, and I just found out (like, texting as I write this) that my brother Joe is getting married. YO, JOE!

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Dig Two Graves is Out Now!

Happy Friday, all. I’m delighted to announce that Dig Two Graves, the eleventh Daniel Faust adventure, is out now in ebook and paperback formats (with audio coming later down the line.) It’s thrilling to return to Daniel’s world, and I hope you enjoy it!

Next up to bat will be Harmony’s return, and I’m aiming for it to be out before the end of the year. Aaand I might be working on a little surprise on the side, but it’s too soon for details.

Wow. We’ve been doing this for ten years. Time to celebrate. I mean, after work. This next book isn’t going to write itself, after all. Have a great weekend, everybody!

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Ten Years.

In their 1988 comeback tour, the band Devo would often begin their concerts by sitting on stools and playing an acoustic version of the song “Jocko Homo.” Afterward, Mark Mothersbaugh would say something to the effect of:

I bet you’re wondering why we’re all sitting down. It’s just to prove that after ten years in this business, WE STILL CAN.

This Friday is more than the release of Dig Two Graves, the new Daniel Faust novel. It’s my anniversary, marking the day when I’ll have survived the writing business for ten years. And I’m happy to say that I’m writing this post sitting down.

Making a life in the creative arts is wild, my friends. It’s a bloodsport. Shady deals, predatory contracts; when your sales are running hot, everybody wants a cut of your action. When you’re running cold, the same folks who welcomed you in will boot you out the door and into the snow so fast you’ll never see it coming.

We spend months or years writing books fueled by nothing but coffee and hope, then send them out into the world. Will they sink or swim? No clue until you get there. Every flop is a surprise, and every smash hit is, too. After all, nobody has any idea what really makes a book a best-seller, not until it’s in readers’ hands.

So you write on faith.

It’s never just writing, though. Because while you’re writing one book you’re spinning plates trying to promote another one, to sell a third to a publishing house, to get an agent to bite at a fourth. You’re planning ahead, trying to pen a strategy in an industry that shifts on a weekly basis, which feels like marching uphill on a sand-dune.

This is not a job for people who want a steady nine to five. It always baffles me how many get-rich-quick schemers flock to writing under the bizarre belief that it’s a path to easy money. Ten years ago, the popular credo was “grab whatever the trend of the microsecond is, copy another book beat for beat, and shove it out the door without so much as an editing pass,” figuring that if they glutted the shelves with enough crap that something would eventually have to be a hit. Most of those dudes aren’t around anymore. Today, the chuckleheads are all trying to get ChatGPT to write a novel for them with the press of a button, and once again, the only thing they’ll succeed at is annoying the rest of us.

(The common thread, aside from a total lack of respect for their customers, is that the schemers aren’t readers. There’s no love for storytelling in what they do, and you know what? A reader can always tell. The love is the secret ingredient.)

I worked in accounting before I became a full-time author, handling the payroll and finances of a pretty big company and responsible for millions of dollars in assets…and that was less stressful than being a writer. But, you know what?

I wouldn’t trade this life for anything in the world. Even the bad parts are among the best parts, and the sting of endless rejections pales in comparison to knowing you’ve made some reader smile, that you’ve improved their day, maybe even their life a little bit. That your voice has been heard, and you’re not just shouting into the void. Worth it. All the blood, sweat, and tears are worth it.

So I’m coming up on my ten-year anniversary. Gonna see if I can wrangle up another ten more, at least. I’ve got more stories to write.

While I’m here, I thought I’d answer a few questions I’ve been getting a lot of lately. People have asked if there will be any more adventures for Lionel and Maddie (of Ghosts of Gotham/A Time for Witches — or for my new German friends, Die Giester von New York/Die Hexen von New York.) The answer is, I think so. I knew there would be a sequel to Ghosts as soon as I finished the last page; I couldn’t leave the protagonists like that. The follow-up bookended things nicely, I thought, and my stance has been “I’ll only do a third if I find a really compelling story to tell with these characters.” I think I’ve managed it, and it’s in the early outlining stage.

Another frequently-asked question is… *sigh*. You know.

YES. DANIEL IS GETTING HIS CAR BACK.

It doesn’t happen in Dig Two Graves (he’s on foot for most of the book, for reasons that will become clear), but at a point in the near future he’s going to need a fast ride and you know only one car will do. That’s all the spoilers you get.

On that note, since I mentioned a little while ago that the whole Enemy story arc is reaching its end, people have been asking if that also marks the end of the Daniel Faust series (and Harmony Black fans have been asking the same about her books.) Nope! Dan’s got other fish to fry, and Harmony and Jessie are about to meet their new worst nightmare (well, technically they already did, I wrote that chapter yesterday.)

And I’m working on a little surprise. One that’s required me to shift my plans behind the scenes and move some projected storylines around. See, my greatest career regret is the Wisdom’s Grave trilogy. Oh, not the books themselves! A ton of people love that trilogy, and I’m happy with how it came out. The massive screwup I committed was putting some plot elements that impacted both the Faust and Harmony books in that trilogy and hoping that just summarizing things in the “Story So Far” prefaces would suffice for people who didn’t want to read them.

I was very, deeply, stupidly wrong. I’ve seen several people say they stopped reading my books completely after that, which stings like hell, and I can only blame myself for it. So I made a new rule: no character crossovers unless it’s completely encapsulated (for instance, Dan and Harmony can cross paths, but not in a way that’s going to have major consequences back in their “home” series.) I make mistakes, but I do try my best to learn from ‘em.

So what if I want to do something…big? Something that would unavoidably impact everyone in the world of the First Story? (Obviously I’m not going to spoil it, but if I do my job right, when it goes down you’ll say “Oh, of course that’s what happened.”)

While Daniel heads for his showdown with the Enemy, the events of Never Send Roses have triggered a new and alien threat for the Vigilant team. These two crises may be slightly more related than they first appear. The next two Harmony and the next two Faust books are being structured to dovetail and build toward one big climax, a climax that will play out for both groups of characters at the same time. If you read both series, you’ll see the same earth-shaking event from very different perspectives. If you only read one, you’ll still get the complete story and still see it all right at ground zero.

It’s taken a ton of finagling with outlines to make all the plots and pieces line up, but I think I can pull it off. We’ll see! If not, it’ll be an interesting failure. And after that…well, I’ve got plans, and the books will continue, but I’ll keep the details under wraps for now.

Hey. Thank you.

Yeah, you, the person reading this right now. Because you’re the reason I can do this. My readers make it possible for me to tell these stories, to weave these worlds, to put my passions on the page. The gratitude I feel is overflowing my heart, and it’s hard to believe I’ve been in the writing game for this many years but I’m still here and I’m fired up to keep going.

I offer thanks to the Lady of Love, to the Lady in Red, and to the divine Muses. And to coffee. Lots of it. Like many writers, my bloodstream is about ninety percent coffee (the remaining ten percent is antidepressants and cannabis.)

Ten more years? Heck, let’s shoot for twenty.

“The art of making art

Is putting it together

Bit by bit”

- Putting It Together, Stephen Sondheim

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Two Graves, Two Weeks

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Two Graves, Two Weeks

Friends, I am equal parts nervous and excited to make this announcement: Dig Two Graves, the new Daniel Faust adventure, is coming out on April 26th, two weeks from today. This isn’t just a big installment in the series: it’s a landmark, as the first book (The Long Way Down) debuted on the exact same day, ten years ago.

I’ve been doing this for ten years. I honestly didn’t expect to live that long. But I’m still here and writing and creating, thanks to you.

So, uh…you don’t mind if I get a little weird with it, do you? (Warning to my new friends reading the series in Germany, this is book eleven so there are major spoilers ahead.) Here’s the back-cover synopsis:

Daniel Faust is back from hell and out for blood. He has a new face and a deadly mission: to find the tiger-queen Naavarasi and his own traitorous brother, and put them both six feet underground.

But when Naavarasi’s shape-shifting minions abduct one of Daniel’s own, it’s time for a desperate rescue. With his demonic lover Caitlin and his precocious apprentice Melanie, he follows a thread of nonexistent airlines, ghostly packages, and urban legends all the way to Springfield, a small town with big secrets.

A small town where everything closes at sundown and people are warned not to go out after dark. A small town where the library offers books written by authors who never existed, and the locals seem to be acting out parts assigned by an invisible director. There’s only one way into Springfield. There’s no easy way out. And as the fabric of reality begins to warp and change all around them, Daniel and company will have to learn a new set of rules if they want to survive and put an end to Naavarasi’s twisted design.

This is a rescue mission, but there’s more at stake than a single life. The consequences are cosmic. He’s gunning for a pair of heads tonight but before his work is done, Daniel Faust may have to drop enough bodies to fill a graveyard.

(So yeah, stuff’s gonna hit the fan. Also this is the book where the identity of the Paladin is finally revealed, a major antagonist is dealt with once and for all, and we pave the way to the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny.)

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Daniel Faust is in Germany. Lock up your valuables.

It’s rare that I get tongue-tied, since words are my job, but this is shaping up to be that kind of season. It’s a year of anniversaries: next month marks ten years as a professional writer, and I’ll be celebrating with the release of Dig Two Graves, the new Daniel Faust adventure. But today is a special hallmark, too: thanks to my friends at Heyne Verlag and the work of translator Bernhard Kempen, I’m utterly stoked to announce the release of Stadt der Dämonen, the German-language translation of The Long Way Down. That’s right, Dan’s in Germany, so lock up your valuables and double-check the combination on your safe (though it won’t help.)

The timing is a little bit magical. The Long Way Down was my first professional work (and my sixth or seventh manuscript, don’t ask to see the ones that came before it, they’ve been exiled to a trunk in Albuquerque), and now it’s being introduced to a whole new nation and a whole new language. How cool is that? I’m making my orange cat “confused but delighted to be here” face. If you’ve ever had an orange cat, you know. We’re dumbasses. Professional dumbasses.

Y’all made this possible, and I am so very grateful.

Meanwhile, I’m anticipating getting the edits on Dig Two Graves next week, at which point I’ll be embarking on a wonderful journey of rewrites, rewrites, and also a few rewrites just to make things interesting. More news, along with a cover reveal and a preorder link, will be coming soon. Have a great week, and be excellent to each other.

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It's March, It's an Update, It's a March Update

Happy March, everybody! I’m just dropping by to deliver a progress update on all the stuff that’s cooking in the Schaefer Lab. It’s Sunday, I’m working all day, and this is how I spend my lunch break. Updates and ramen.

I’ve heard from my editor and I can now say we are confidently on track to have the next Daniel Faust adventure, Dig Two Graves, out next month (in time for my ten-year anniversary!) It still amazes me to think that I’ve been in this biz for a decade, come April. Feels like I’m just getting started.

While my editor is wielding her red pen with zero mercy, I’m deep in the thick of writing the next Harmony Black novel and the plan, if all goes smoothly, is to have it out by the end of this year. I can tell you that it picks up about a month after the events of Never Send Roses, and what seems like a simple mission suddenly spirals out of control, sending Harmony and Jessie on a desperate scramble from the Golden Gate Bridge to the Catskill Mountains. I’m finally in a position to tackle a particular plot thread that’s been dangling for a long time, and oh boy, is it going to pay off in this one. Let’s just say that some old enemies of the team have come together to weave a perfect trap…

On that note, I have to apologize to folks who are waiting for the audiobook version of Never Send Roses. The delay is 100% my fault, but it will happen. Long story short, audiobooks are incredibly expensive to produce (more than the costs of my editors and my cover artists put together.) Like most writers, I am not a wealthy person, and I just had to cover some huge unexpected bills so at this point in time, producing the audio version would push my bank account into the danger zone. I expect that’s going to change shortly, so as soon as the money’s freed up, I’ll be moving forward with production.

(There are production companies that foot the cost through revenue-sharing agreements, and they regularly court me, but they pick the narrator for you. Not my style. I’m admittedly a perfectionist and a bit of a diva when it comes to Team Schaefer: I like to hand-pick the people I work with, in order to make sure we’ve got compatible vibes and that they’re bringing what I need to the table. In other words, when it comes to audiobooks, I work with Adam Verner and Susannah Jones, period. Adam and Susannah are my ride-or-dies, and they will be for as long as they feel like putting up with my neurotic butt.)

Finally, I’m super-excited to announce that Daniel Faust is about to steal Germany thanks to my friends at Heyne Verlag. The German-language translation of The Long Way Down (retitled to Stadt der Damonen) will be out next week, on the 13th! Then the translated edition of Redemption Song (retitled to Sophias Geister) will be out on June 12th. Will there be more? As always in publishing, “if people buy them, yes. If not, no.” So, fingers crossed!

I might have one more lil’ surprise for you at the end of the year or early in the next one, but it’s too soon to do more than vaguepost about it. (No, it isn’t the sapphic dark erotic romance novel about the Illuminati that I occasionally semi-jokingly threaten to write.)

(But I will write it someday. Seriously, push me, see if I don’t.)

Okay, Harmony and Jessie are in a bind so I’ve gotta get back to work. Have a great week, and I’ll be back soon!

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A Writer Looks at Fifty

Yes, I am a pirate, two hundred years too late

The cannons don't thunder, there's nothin' to plunder

I'm an over-forty victim of fate

Arriving too late, arriving too late

– A Pirate Looks at Forty, Jimmy Buffett

So. I’m fifty today. I almost ended this post right here and called it a day, but I suppose on a major life milestone – more road behind me than ahead of me, and the miles piling up on the odometer – some reflection is called for. If you’re only here for the books, I’ll put the book news first: Dig Two Graves, the next Daniel Faust novel, is in the thick of editing and we’re aiming to release it in two months. Specifically we’re aiming for late April, the anniversary of the day the very first book in the series, The Long Way Down (my first professionally published book) was released back in 2014. That’s the intent, we’ll see how editing goes and how much more work the story needs before it’s ready for prime time.

Yep, I’ve been in this business for ten years and somehow I’m not dead yet. Even have all my original teeth and fingers. A few more scars, but that’s fine; scars make for good stories.

Ten years ago today, I had my fortieth birthday in a hotel room, all alone, and seriously contemplated ending my life. I was convinced that I’d never amount to anything, that all my dreams were dying or dead, and there wasn’t any reason to stick around. But I always wanted, more than anything, to be a writer. So I made a deal with myself: I’d make one more good, hard push, put everything I had into it, and then I’d decide. But not until I gave it all the fuel left in the tank. Not until I was sure.

Today, on my fiftieth, I’m looking back at over twenty novels and thousands upon thousands of great reviews. I’ve had the privilege of working with some of the best editors, cover artists and audiobook narrators in the industry. My works have been translated into other languages and published in places I’ve never been. And I get to do this for a living. This thing I love, writing stories and making readers happy, and I get paid for it.

(I mean, not a lot, anyone who tells you all writers are rich is trying to sell you a course or something, but I get my bills paid more or less on time.)

Let me be 100% clear: getting published and selling books didn’t fix the things that made me want to die. Understanding that I needed help, help I couldn’t give myself, and reaching out for it, did. And as a result, ten years after that awful night, I have no intention of dying. I want to stay as long as I can. I have books to write. And the darkness still claws its way in sometimes, it always will, that’s just the nature of the beast that is depression, but now I have tools to fight back.

So if you’re in that same leaky boat: look, your life belongs to you, do what you want, but if you're thinking about giving up, I'm begging you to take my example to heart. Things can get better. Things can change. And if you check out early, you can't change your mind and take it back. That’s a one-way trip. Better to stick around and see what happens. Things can get better. I’m living proof.

Here I am, fifty. And alone again on my birthday, but that’s not a problem. I’m burning toward the finish line on a very special project; when you’re a writer, deadlines come before cake. (And when you’re a spy—wait, sorry, Burn Notice flashback.)

It’s so weird to think that people used to retire at 55. Oh, for my younger readers: "retirement" is an antiquated concept where people would cease working and live their last years in repose, coasting on a lifetime of accumulated wealth, probably living in a house that they bought with a single income. Some people even had these things called "pensions," where their old job would pay them until they died. I know, it sounds too incredible to be true, but you can look it up!

Jokes aside, I would never retire even if I could. Writing is my heart-work, and I fully intend to croak at my keyboard, hopefully after writing a hundred more books. Eh, let’s make it two hundred. Might as well go for it.

The strange thing is, I don’t feel old. I feel like I always have, only with more experience. Sure, sometimes I pull a muscle putting my socks on – or when the wind blows in the wrong direction – but I can walk for miles and I’m a pretty good shot. Reflexes slow as you age, but not that badly, at least from where I’m standing: I enjoy the occasional video game after work, and while I’ll never be anything close to a pro gamer, I wasn’t that good when I was twenty either. I can still hold my own in a mean boss fight.

I say this because I suspect many of my readers are younger than me (I mean, that’s just statistics) and you might be worried about getting older. Just like paying taxes, we all have to do it and it sucks for everybody. But it’s okay. It’s not great, but it’s okay.

Besides, you can do some things to help keep your brain in gear. Number one: never, ever, ever let the words “I’m too old to figure that out” cross your lips. You aren’t. Try to learn something new every day. And screw hustle culture: it doesn’t have to be something useful or productive or make you money, just learn something. Right now I’m taking a class on the Unreal 5 game engine; I have zero interest or intent of going into game coding full-time, I just had a neat idea for a little hobby project and I want to see if I can pull it off.

So, that’s it. I’m fifty, and it’s fine. I would give the experience three stars on Yelp: not great, could be so much worse. Also, I’ve come to a very important realization that will be my guiding star going forward: this isn’t the December of my life, but it is my October. And do you know what means?

Year-round spooky season and Halloween never ends, let’s go!

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The Wise Men of Gotham: Now on Audio!

You never know when Audible is going to finish their final quality checks, but they tend to happen at weird times — like right now! I’m pleased to announce that The Wise Men of Gotham, the sequel to The Hungry Dreaming, is out on Audible now and voiced by the superb Susannah Jones. She always knocks it out of the park (no matter how many accents I throw at her) and this one’s no exception.

Meanwhile, I’d just like to thank everyone for the great response to Never Send Roses. Y’all make my heart happy, and I’m so excited to get to work on the next installment of Harmony’s adventures (after I finish Daniel Faust’s next one, I mean. There is a queue.) Thanks again, and I hope you all have a fantastic week!

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